What responsible boylove is NOT:

Responsible boylove does not include, support, nor in any way condone non-consensual sexual activity. It does not try to excuse or justify such things as attempts to seduce a boy, molestation, or predation in any form. Responsible boylovers are just as appalled by such crimes as anyone else; indeed, perhaps more so, because of the love we have for all boys, and the pain we feel when one of them is molested, raped, or murdered. The public and the media seem to know only one word when there is sexual activity between a boy and an older male, the ugly and pejorative label of "pedophile." Responsible boylovers do not fit the media profile of "pedophile," and most reject being identified with it. Responsible boylovers are neither seducers, molesters, predators, nor pedophiles in the current use of that word.

What responsible boylove IS:

Responsible boylove is a relationship between a boy who has a desire for a close and intimate friendship with an older male, and an older boy or man whose love for that boy encompasses enjoyment of the boy's companionship and a desire to provide a mentoring and nurturing environment, but also includes a definite pedosexual attraction as well. It is, however, mutually agreed by responsible boylovers that any physical expression of this pedosexuality is only acceptable with the understanding, encouragement, and appropriate consent of the boy involved. Even then, under the present barbaric legal system, such consensual sexual activities are considered a criminal act.

What SafeHaven IS:

The primary purpose and function of SafeHaven is to promote communication, understanding, and mutual support among responsible boylovers. SafeHaven does not encourage the violation of current statutes, but does take a proactive approach to the need for society to awake from its present state of mindless hysteria concerning boyhood sexuality, and for changes in the law that will decriminalize consensual sexual intimacy between a boy and any other male of any age. In contrast to those who falsely call themselves "child advocates", we abhor and reject the concept that boys are asexual chattel property with absolutely no right to make choices for themselves. We look forward to the day when the emancipation and deliverance of both loved boys and boylovers will be a reality.

SafeHaven is also for those persons of peaceful intent and searching spirit who want to know more about the complex phenomena of true boylove, but it is purposely structured so that those who would choose to try to create dissension and strife are excluded. On the other hand, those who participate are free to bring up any aspect of responsible boylove within reason, and a spirit of good humor and friendliness is expected and encouraged.

SafeHaven is not intended to be all things to all people, nor is it expected that all the participants will find something to post about every day. Thus there is not likely to be a constant high volume of posting; the important thing is that the forum is here for those who have a question to pose, a problem to discuss, wish to tell of some pleasant experience or personal discovery, or share some bit of wit or humor. There will always be a lot more readers than posters, and the measure of success of the forum, if indeed it needs to be measured at all, is mostly in the love and support that is freely given, as well as in the number of those who come only to read, and the benefits they derive.

SafeHaven takes no position on relationships with a sexual component between minor females and other persons, and such discussions are considered inappropriate for this forum. For those who wish to pursue those issues, it is suggested that they use a search engine to try to find other forums where these issues are discussed.

Goals of a Responsible Boylover:

Several posters on SafeHaven contributed ideas as to the goals of a Boylover. They have been developed and enlarged, and are presented here:

These are goals and ideals to which we may wish to aspire. In some ways they are unapproachable, and to think that anyone can consistently accomplish them all is not realistic. But perhaps it is better to look up and try to improve, than to look down and complain that we can hope to do no better.....

A responsible boylover should promote a positive life for his boy by being positive and upbeat himself. There will be times, of course, when things do not go well, but a boylover should try to show his boy how to look for solutions to problems, and not to dwell on the problems themselves.

A responsible boylover should be pleasant and friendly to all boys. He should be on the lookout for opportunities to bring a ray of sunshine into a boy's life, especially a troubled boy.

A responsible boylover should be alert to the dangers that boys encounter, and should, when the situation calls for it, be ready to intervene. However, he must be careful not to stifle his boy's curiosity and sense of adventure and experimentation by being overly protective.

A responsible boylover should strive to set a good example for his boy. There are many people in boys' lives telling them what to do, but very few using their own life to show the boy what to do. On the other hand, a boylover should not pretend that he is perfect, and should accept responsibility for his own mistakes.

A responsible boylover should always pay attention to what his boy has to say. Boys have their own minds, and, given the opportunity, have some very thoughtful and insightful things to say. But most adults don't really bother to hear what boys have to say, and soon the boys communicate only with their peers, where they may or may not get the truth.

A responsible boylover should consider his boy's needs before his own. A boy knows what he wants and likes, he also knows what he doesn't want and doesn't like, and a boylover should be careful and sensitive to be aware of these. A boy, however, is largely dependant on adults to supply his physical and emotional needs, and can do little to change his circumstances. An adult, on the other hand, normally has many options from which to choose.

A responsible boylover should love his boy unconditionally, even when his boy is being unlovable, as boys sometimes are. Boys are volatile humans, as are all of us, and they need to know that the love they receive is not going to be withdrawn if they misbehave.

A responsible boylover should always show that his boy is important to him, and worthy of love, appreciation, and respect. Boys are quick to sense when they are being tolerated rather than wanted, and this is hurtful to them.

A responsible boylover should never be ashamed of his love for his boy, although prudence dictates that such love should be demonstrated in different ways under different circumstances. Some boys are more able to comprehend the love that is shown them than others, and some boys are able to respond to that love more so than others. But there should never be, nor need to be, any sense of shame in the relationship of a boylover and his loved boy.

A responsible boylover should keep in mind that he also has a life of his own to lead, and, while doing and being all of the things above for his boy, he must maintain a balanced and wholesome life style for his own benefit, as well as for his boy's benefit.

A responsible boylover should realize from the outset that the relationship with his boy is transitory. He must never lose sight of the fact that a boy is a boy for only a few short years, and that the love that they both enjoy and cherish must evolve and change with the seasons of the boy's life. In the ideal progression, the love, care, and concern of a boylover for his loved boy will become the mutual love, care, and concern between an older adult and his younger adult friend. But in any case, the boylover must be prepared to graciously and unreservedly accept the inevitable time when his beloved fledgling must take wing and fly free.

Lexicon: While anyone is free to use terms of their own choosing, the following are in general use on SafeHaven.

The term "pedosexual" by derivation is the sexual attraction and orientation of any older person toward a child or adolescent of either sex, just as "homosexual" may apply to either males or females. However, "pedosexual", as used here, defines only the physical sexual attraction of an older boy or man to a younger boy, does not include the characteristics of a boylover as defined below, and is intended to be value neutral.

Words like "pedophile/paedophile", "pederast", and "ephebophile", while they were meaningful and honorable words in their original usage, have become so hopelessly corrupted by victimologists and the media that they currently have completely negative connotations. For that reason, in most cases the term "responsible boylover" is used instead. This is defined as "An older boy or man who desires to provide companionship, protection, nurturing, and material needs for a younger, usually non-related boy, to an extent that goes distinctively beyond the average relationship concerning closeness and intimacy, and who also has a pedosexual attraction to that boy which may, if consented to by both, result in sexual activities."

The term "loved boy" is used for a preadolescent or adolescent boy who has a desire for a close and intimate relationship with a non-related older male, which may or may not include a sexual attraction to that older male.

Given the position that a loved boy is capable of making his own decisions in a lot of areas, including that of sexual activity, the adjective "consensual" is used of any activity in which the loved boy freely chooses to participate of his own volition. Without stating some arbitrary chronological age, the ability to consent presupposes that the boy has developed verbal communication skills which are adequate for him to freely ask questions, as well as to communicate his wishes.

Seducers, molesters, and predators as the terms apply to boy/older male pedosexuality are those males who through trickery, persuasion, or force of a lesser or greater degree, attempt to have sexual contact with a boy which is in little or no way a part of a larger context of care and love for that boy. Some of these people have misappropriated the designation of "boylover," but they are not boylovers, much less responsible boylovers